Discipline: Love in Disguise

September 19, 2011

Hebrews 12:10-11 “Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Discipline is a process, not an event (that’s punishment). And it’s likely that it’s going to be a long process where the results we expect to see may be very slow in coming. In the case of working with children in the church, we may never see the results of our efforts but we continue in loving discipline anyway. It’s our responsibility and our call as Christian adults.

The goal and purpose of discipline is self control which helps prepare our young people to not only survive but thrive in society—which is why it’s much more than just about classroom control. Discipline is a process of teaching how to think about, care about, and make decisions about others, through the eyes of God, the way Jesus taught us.

When behavior is observed that goes beyond the established boundaries for behavior in the community, family, or group, it becomes apparent that the persons involved need self-discipline. They need to be taught what the boundaries are and how to be responsible for controlling their actions to stay within those boundaries.

A person who has learned self-discipline has self-control, self-reliance, and self-esteem. Self-discipline is assuming responsibility for our actions, and making decisions about our behavior.

An effective discipline plan in the church and in the home, on the soccer field, or at the scout meeting has five essential parts.

1. Preventative: Stops something unwanted from happening. Specifically for our context means protecting against group chaos or unwanted behavior in children.

As the teacher or group leader I will make a commitment to….

Be present and ready before the first student arrives

Prepare the activity or lesson ahead of time

Arrange the meeting space to support learning and remove distractions

Resolve to be a calm, mature presence

Involve my students in setting up some group rules with some agreed upon consequences

Of prime importance will be to work to establish a relationship with each person in the group and to pray for each of the young people by name, regularly.

2. Supportive: Assists something to occur or increase. For us that means it’s something that encourages behaviors we want to see grow in young people.

As the adult leader I will…

Be ready to restructure plans or activities if they aren’t working

Will clearly request the good behavior needed (“We will all listen to Nancy as she reads”)

Will catch my students being good (“I appreciate the quiet reading”)

Will pray for special needs of students

Will let parents know about good behavior

How often do we call or write home about good behavior? Particularly for those parents who might not receive that news very often?

3. Corrective: Redirects undesirable behavior. We use a teachable moment to improve behavior in our group. We’ve done as well as we can to prevent discipline issues from coming up; we’ve been supportive of the students to encourage good behavior; and things still happen!

As the adult leader I will remind myself to…

Name the specific behavior I want changed and why (“I need you to stop tapping your pencil because it’s distracting to others”)

Allow the student to try again

Not be drawn into “side issues” with students

Use a quiet opportunity for behavior chats rather than calling the student out in front of the whole class

Intervene IMMEDIATELY to stop inappropriate behavior between two people

If my corrective methods are not enough to stop the behavior or the behavior is to the level that needs more than just correction, I will move to consequences.

4. Consequential: Something that follows as a result. This is when we allow the results of certain decisions to be fully felt by the child.

There are two kinds of consequences—natural and logical.

Natural consequences are the results that occur from a child’s behavior without the leader doing anything. For instance…if the child refuses to eat breakfast, she will be hungry before lunch. If he forgets to bring a permission slip, he won’t get to go on a special trip (assuming this was not the fault of the parent).

Logical consequences are those results a leader provides to teach students what logically follows when they violate class rules or the needs of a situation. This is where you invoke the agreed upon consequences that you established at the beginning of the year with your group.

5. Amending: Something done or given as a compensation for a wrong. That often means apologizing, offering or receiving forgiveness, making a plan for a repair or restoration, and giving mercy.

We need to help young people learn to right a wrong that they have done. Remember, we’re teaching them to thrive–not just correcting immediate behavior!

And the work of amending is not complete until forgiveness is given.  Everyone gets a fresh start each time they come back to the group…the team…the class…the choir.

Christ died for sinners.  The grace of God is unearned, undeserved, and unmerited.  God never quits giving righteousness—God never quits on us.  We must never quit on each other…and especially our young people.  This may be something unusual for many of the children and youth we are ministering to!  But it does no good to skip to forgiveness without the other steps first.  Otherwise, we are not teaching self-control and discipline.

When you have a discipline plan that works, you give yourself the best opportunity to support the growth of a special kind of community–the Kingdom of God we all yearn to live in–where people care for each other, encourage one another, solve problems together, resolve differences, and experience forgiveness. As the leader in a classroom, a teacher in the church, we are called to model courage, loyalty, justice, respect, honesty, hope, love, forgiveness and mercy. And in all that, we seek to model the love and respect that Jesus showed all people. There isn’t a more powerful way to invite people into a relationship with God!


Acts 2:42 Retreats

May 25, 2011

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. (Acts 2:42)

The early church knew how to gather together! We can learn from their format of learning/study, fellowship, shared meals, and time of prayer and worship when planning a retreat—whether it’s multigenerational, women or men only, families, youth, confirmation class, or governing boards!

Teaching: Study the Word! Use a passage as the core theme of the retreat. Consider the ancient spiritual practice of Lectio Divina (“sacred reading”) as a way to read and pray Scripture. The process usually involves someone reading a short biblical passage aloud three times, participants then listen for a word or phrase that stands out to them, prayers are then spoken for God’s guidance for understanding, and then a time of contemplation to listen to the application for one’s life. And then those who would like to share what they’ve heard or sensed do.

Fellowship: Plan in fun! Relationships develop and strengthen when we play together. You can do anything from cooperative crafts, to trust and team building games to a rousing game of “Spoons” to “Hide and Go Seek” or “Sardines.” How can church officers not build up trust of one another after that kind of activity? Whatever you do, plan for intentional fellowship!

Breaking of Bread: Share meals! And really share the meals—no buffet lines. Set the table(s) and use a centerpiece. When we walk through a buffet line we are only serving ourselves. Practice the art of servant hood by pouring drinks for one another and passing the salad and rolls. And then do the dishes together!

Prayer: Spend time in worship! Build in praise to God through prayers and song. Light candles to signify Christ’s presence. Ask participants to bring musical instruments to share during this time. Use a responsive or group reading to open or close your gathering.

Additionally…how can your retreat that will be spiritually uplifting for your gathered group, also be outwardly focused? How can mission or service to others be woven into it?  Can you do a service project on the site? How can you leave your retreat location (the actual building or the community) different (more blessed) than when you arrived?

Gather a team together to plan and implement your retreat, drawing on the gifts needed for developing the teaching, fellowship, shared meals, and worship.

Do you need a resource for incorporating the aspects of the early church into your gathering? Consider the “Family Round the Table” iphone app from LOGOS (156 sessions which can be searched by holiday, season, Bible passage, activity, or menu).

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/id347229773?mt=8

Here’s a sample using a theme of TREES

Teaching: Read and study Jeremiah 17:5-8 (“…But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream…”)

Fellowship: Take a walk in the woods or neighborhood looking for interesting bark patterns…use light colored paper and dark crayons to make rubbings. When you return to the retreat site, create one large imaginary tree made up of all the different designs.

Breaking of Bread: Create a menu for at least one meal with anything that grows on trees: apples, bananas, pears, oranges, walnuts, coconut. Use centerpieces with branches, leaves or acorns.

Blessing: Almighty God, Maker of heaven and earth and everything in it, bless us as we share the bounty of your creation and enjoy eating things that grew on trees. In the name of Christ we pray, Amen.

Prayer: Light a worship candle and place the open Bible next to it. Choose a song such as the spiritual “I Shall Not Be Moved.” Invite everyone to share their prayer concerns and their joys and create a prayer around them. Using the words of Psalm 1 (from The Message), close the worship time by praying responsively:

Leader: How well God must like you—you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon, you  don’t slink along Dead-End Road, you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College.

All: Instead you thrill to God’s Word, you chew on Scripture day and night.

Leader: You’re a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fresh fruit every month, Never dropping a leaf, always in blossom.

All: You’re not at all like the wicked, who are mere windblown dust—Without defense in court, unfit company for innocent people.

Leader: God charts the road you take. The road they take is Skid Row.

Mission or Service: Bring some small saplings and seek permission to plant some at the site of your retreat.


Sustainable Faith II

December 8, 2010

What makes the difference between a teenager staying connected to the church or straying from it? A previous article here shares several key observations by David Kinnaman, president of the Barna Group on the topic. His organization has been researching what makes for sustainable faith and while the organization is still in the midst of the study, he did share several key observations at the LOGOS Live Conference in San Antonio, Texas in October. This article continues the discussion.

What about those of the “next generation” who do leave the church?  Do they share any common characteristics?  And if so, does that give church leaders clues as to how we can keep our young people engaged and connected to the faith?

David described three types of young people who leave…Prodigals, Nomads, and Exiles.

Prodigals: These are the ones who have walked away from their faith. They’ve made an intentional break.  Presumably they’ve had a negative experience with the church or with Christians.  They’re feeling angry or annoyed with Christians in general now.

Nomads: These are the spiritual wanderers who have gradually disengaged.  Church is just not as important to them as it used to be.  They don’t feel that they “fit in” to church anymore and they don’t see that church matters.  This is the most common group who leave the church.

Exiles: These are the young people who now find themselves in a culture or environment that is very different than what their “growing up in” church understands or accepts. Because of their occupation or where they live or how they live, they have a need to navigate new territory and don’t see the church as being helpful or supportive.

I’m wondering if many of our nomads started as exiles as they entered college.  Unless they were very intentional in connecting with a Christian community it would be all too easy to move deeper and deeper into a place that separates them from what they experienced in their home-church environment—no matter how beloved at the time. And then that separation just becomes the norm and there’s little recognition of the importance of a church community or for practicing their faith.

What do you do to maintain the connection with the post-high school (and particularly college attending) youth from your church?  Is it important to keep them connected not only to their home church leaders but also to their home church peers?

What are some ideas to reconnect with them on a regular basis and when they come home for their natural seasonal breaks? Do you plan mission trips or on-line Bible studies?  Fellowship gatherings?  Please share your ideas and thoughts.


Sustainable Faith

November 15, 2010

What makes the difference between a teenager staying connected to the church or straying from it? If we can identify what the church can do—or do differently, can we stem the tide of those who give up or drift away from the Christian faith, and more specifically the church community? I recently heard David Kinnaman, president of the Barna Group, address the concept of sustainable faith—something that Barna has been researching.  The organization is still in the midst of the study but he did share several key observations at the LOGOS Live Conference in San Antonio, Texas in October.

First, he believes three things define what makes this next generation different:

The long shadow of the 60s–skepticism is greater, there is less trust, and more social change particularly in the family make up.

The digital world–kids are digital “natives” and information consumption has moved from passive to interactive.

The post Christian environment–increased cultural criticism of Christianity.

These three factors help explain why this generation is more alienated (from institutions, public schools, manufacturers), has more access (to information and the world), and has new questions about authority.

This isn’t all bad news!  It means that for this generation, relationships count (because institutions don’t), they learn how they want and when they want, they are willing to take risks and take action, and they are interested in the “common good.”  Are we “back to the future” with the early church? Sounds like it, doesn’t it? The issue for us as “the church” becomes what changes do we need to make as a community to be more inclusive of and inviting to this generation? David also observed that the central challenge to this next generation is being “in the world” but not “of the world.” He believes that challenge will be critical to how we work with this age group.

He was emphatic that church leaders need to pay attention to the reasons why even those 18-29 year olds who have grown up in the church may not be calling themselves “Christian.” Kinnaman identifies some of the things being said about the church from the surveys–noting it’s not as simple as we would hope.

Doubtless: The church doesn’t deal with doubt.

Anti-Science: The church is perceived to be this.

Shallow: Church is boring, God is not experienced in church.

Too safe:  All talk, no action.

Meaningless: Faith is not relevant to real life.

Too institutional: The church ignores the problems of the real world.

Talking heads: The church talks at rather than with youth.

Uncreative: Not interested in the ideas of young people.

Ouch!

David did offer up some hope for the church if we pay attention and make some change. Two of the areas he suggested that need addressing are:

“Age buckets”–stop segregating all we do by age group

Ministry to parents—a need to step this up

At The LOGOS Ministry, we teach an approach that allows for all generations to be in ministry together—with a focus on building up young disciples of Jesus Christ. Parents partner with other parents as well as older (and younger) adults in the church to minister to children and youth. We’re not the only organization helping churches move in this direction and we believe that when churches do it well there might be a better chance of stopping the loss of what Barna calls “spiritual engagement” of the next generation. What are the roadblocks that your church is experiencing? What makes getting past some of these barriers so difficult?


Ministry for adults and children

November 8, 2010

A great description of how one church finds common ground between children and adults through LOGOS. Excerpt from Rapid City Journal:

“I like the intergenerational feeling of it. Family is not just mom, dad and kids. People who go to church here are a sort of family, too,” she said.

“Because the parents of LOGOS ministry members are asked to contribute from time to time — teaching Bible classes, preparing the family-time meal, leading recreation activities — a flourishing LOGOS ministry seeds the church with active adults,” Sherman-Conroy said.

“When kids make friends in the church, parents get involved. When parents get involved, families get involved. When families get involved, the church is a vigorous actor in the community, sharing the love of God, generating excitement and growing. It can transform a congregation.”

The LOGOS ministry builds on itself. Westminster is able to offer not only classes for children and youth, but also for parents and adults.

“The church is for all people and all ages. While kids learn and grow in their way, adults can be encouraged and equipped for their lives, too,” said Jacobs.

An adult small-group study class that is reading “Boundaries,” a book on setting healthy boundaries, includes many people who aren’t members at Westminster.

Sherman-Conroy and Jacobs regularly eat lunch at West Middle School, across the street from the church, and invite kids to attend LOGOS.

“Kids like feeling like they’re part of something,” she said. Weekly attendance in the LOGOS youth group ranges from 16 to 20, a good turnout for a church of its size, Sherman-Conroy said.

Read the rest of the article here.


Teenagers and the Church

May 5, 2010
Confirmation class

Confirmation class by Raymond Brown

It is that time of year.  Summer is just around the corner.  Colleges and High Schools are in the midst of graduation ceremonies and celebrations with all of their “pomp and circumstance”.  It is also the time of year when many churches confirm their newest, youngest members into full membership of Christ’s church.  Late last year, I heard a speaker who asked, “What do you do to make sure that confirmation is not interpreted as graduation in your church?”

Those words have stuck with me for months and I think are worth wrestling with for all of us.  He went on to talk about how we have a processional often times with them in robes, give them a certificate, make note of their achievement,  and dissolve their class (small group).  Why wouldn’t they think they have no graduated from learning in the church?

In the church I attend, twenty-two wonderful young teens were just confirmed.  I have also noticed that Facebook, Twitter and Flickr are filled with church announcements of their newly confirmed young members.  So all of that leads me to ask some questions that I believe we need to wrestle with in our churches regarding those who have just been confirmed.

1. How does your church keep these young people relationally connected with the same intensity they had during their confirmation class?

2. What processes are in place to provide leadership roles for these new young members?

3. How are they intentionally mentored into these roles of leadership?

4. How does your church purposefully offer them ways to answer God’s call on their lives, give of themselves, share their gifts and build up the body of Christ?


Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2009

May the gift of our Lord’s birth bring you joy throughout the year.

Merry Christmas,

The LOGOS Ministry